infamous | Hopeless Romantic.

I wish my drunk texts were as funny as this one. BUT the reality is, that most of them are desperate and I can’t even spell half the time. When I drink I either flop one way or the other:

A) Happy giddy OMG Holy shit DID YOU SEE MY PHONE ANYWHERE? Your CUTE hehehe look at that dude! WOOO you’re my BEST friend. “Hit a lot of railings…broke a lot of shit!” Yea oh shit..YEA OH SHIT. Bazingaa!!! “You have a FACE like cinderella, you look like sunshine and you SMELL LIKE PINE NEEDLES!” HEY WHERES MY -oh here’s my phone…”Don’t bite your lip, you know what that does to me” NO NO NO vodka and cranberry wait margarita NO MARGS?! ..alright stick with the bud light wait nope I’ll take a – OK hand me a bud light from that bucket. OHMYGOD, I lost my phone, it’s gone forever and I’m going to die, but that’s OK cause i’m with my BASSSTTTT FRAANNNDDSS! P.S Laters Baby 😉

B) Sad Depressive Ughhh I dont feel drunk at all. Where are we going nextt…Im just sad OK? I need another drink. Cheers to me cause this week sucked! ….ohh this drink tastes like shit, what kind of bartender makes this nasty SHIT? what am I going to wear tomorrow? SHIT…*sniff sniff* WHY DOESNT HE LIKE ME THOUGH!?! What did I do? He’s such a tool but i CANT stop thinking about him..Ok i’ll text him THAT’LL SOLVE IT ALL! No don’t take my phone! WHY DOES GOD HATE ME!? What did I do to deserve this?! I need my purse and my -wheres my phone? CAIT?! Wheres my phone? NO please just one text, no really…where is it? you don’t know? Some one is GOING to die..

So there is the evil/sad/depressive Courtney vs. the fun/crazy/party in my floral dress Courtney

First off, Let me apologize to my friends for all of my craziness that I have put them through. The majority of the time they told me to steer clear of the incoming douche bag but I’m Courtney and I think that I can change douche bag Darren into my prince charming. (I really don’t even know anyone by the name Darren) BUT that is a bigger story about how my friends are right and I am CLUELESS. Like I’ve said before, I can dish the advice, just can’t take it myself. Just how I am.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, that over time I have sent some pretty awful drunk text messages to guys. AND I’m sure a million thoughts are running through your little head right now about the things I text guys late at night. I can feel you judging right now…yes you. Judge away. I’ll admit it! I do it! And I do it often. I bet one of you is nodding your head right now going…”yep that’s me, this broad sent ME some drunk texts!”. Well good for you…I probably don’t talk to you~~r dirty face~~ anymore though do I? How’s THAT goin for ya? Alright I’m done being mean…hahah who am I kidding? I am the epitome of mean.

I’ve been made fun of, I’ve gotten my phone hidden from me multiple nights (which was probably well needed). But as you can imagine…depending on which drunk I am. A or B. I text off of that. I either go with the I hate you, you life ruin-er. Or I go with the let’s hang out tonight route 🙂 One complete opposite or the other. I can only imagine the look on these dudes faces when I text them. It’s either “Holy shit this girl is nuts, but funny as hell” OR “Holy shit this girl is a wackjob and needs some serious meds/counseling.”

My one and only piece of advice is that you let your friends take your phone, cause they DO know better than you most of the time, especially in that state. Sometimes letting your current emotions get the best of you is the worst idea. Think about it for awhile before you make some irrational decision. With my iphone now, if I’m too drunk I can’t even get the passcode unlocked so that’s nice to know that my phone knows whats good for me….probably better than I do. Thanks iphone 🙂

BUT through everything dumb that I have done, great AND terrible things have come of it, and I don’t regret a thing. Lessons learned though. It might have been a dumb decisions at the moment but it has sculpted what my life is now.