Karma

First off, apologies for falling off the face of the planet. I have not posted in a LONG time.

Although I haven’t posted in awhile, it doesn’t mean I do not have some interesting things to say.

Instead of jumping all over the place, I’ll keep my thoughts to a certain area.

“A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots…

“A tiger doesn’t change it’s stripes…”

Same cliche quote.

Is it true though?

If someone is some way…or grows  up to be someone, can they change for the better? I mean in all honesty, I do think we change cause we grow. We learn. I also believe that there are certain parts of us that don’t change. Maybe those certain things are good or bad; but they stick with us, unfortunately.

Someone very near and dear to my heart was left by a man for another woman. After 20 years, Karma came along and destroyed that relationship. This man is now suffering the consequences of ruining the first relationship and bringing his issues into another. Now alone, the man screams for attention from other women.

Was that karma getting back at him for ruining the first one?

My frank opinion is that karma is REAL and whether its 6 months or 20 years, it  will get you back.

So can we change? Can we change and realize that we fucked up and continue with life karma free?

I’m not sure.

What I do know is that I have been left by two men in my life. And in my eyes each one of them has gotten what they deserved back; and it was none of my doing.

I’ve talked in a previous post about revenge and how glorious it would be. But in the end, it is SO much more glorious to have found out that they got it bad ALL on their own. You may say I am bitter? But I am willing to bet that you have been in that position before.

Xo

Court

8 Simple Rules

So you probably don’t think I have the credentials to write about some rules in dating, but I think that these are the key parts into ensuring your man (or woman if that’s your thing) doesn’t run for the hills.

Here are my simple rules:

1. Don’t over think

Over thinking every situation and detail drives guys nuts. This is a fault of mine as well so if other people are like this then I completely understand. I think the reason why I do it though is only because I’m confused. If I understand the relationship and what the intentions are then I wouldn’t be over thinking everything so much, understand? Guys like to throw the word “crazy” around, which I hate. But they believe that us chicks get together and just sit around for hours and hours to talk about them and over analyze the situation but the truth is, we usually only talk to our friends momentarily about it and then do all the over thinking inside our own head 😉

2. Make your intentions clear from the beginning 

If you just want some booty, say it.

That sounds terrible but some people are looking for the same thing. I also stress this because I hate being confused and not knowing where I stand with the relationship. I’m not telling you to remind me every day that you want to be with  me. I’m just simply saying don’t play with my mind. Don’t tell me that you are looking for a relationship but really you don’t want to be serious at all.

3. Don’t share personal information too quick

This might seem a little contradicting, BUT I feel like if you share personal information too quickly, you get attached and then all of a sudden the guy/girl wasn’t on the same page as you and your all alone. I think this rule kind of just protects your heart.

4. Don’t give it up too quick

I’ve written an entire post about this. Refresh? Click here The Cookie

Bottom line: It’s not Halloween anymore, stop dishing out the candy..

5. Don’t put all of your time into it

Again, if you put all your time and energy into the relationship, you won’t be able to concentrate on anything else. This is a terrible problem if the guy/girl doesn’t want the same thing as you.

6. Play the game (in a GOOD way)

Don’t always be available, if you’re available it’s not fun anymore. Sometimes there needs to be a “chase”. I know that if someone throws themselves at me and there is no chase, I start pushing away. Then I completely rid myself of the relationship. I’m not saying lie but some people tend to forget about their friends when they are in a relationship, so some friend time will not hurt. It will let him/her appreciate the time you have together as well.

7. Be yourself

If you are yourself from the beginning then there is no need for pretending when you get farther into the relationship. Plus, wouldn’t you feel so much better if someone was into you simply because of YOU not because you are trying to be someone else?

8. Don’t lie

For obvious reasons. Don’t lie. Plain & Simple. Then you don’t have to remember your lies. You might not want to volunteer information that you were arrested last summer for being a drunken slob BUT that doesn’t mean you have to say “I’ve never been arrested before, I’m a perfect prince.”

C’mon..

I feel like they all intertwine with one another…

If the guy lies then he’s not telling the truth about his intentions. If he doesn’t tell the truth about his intentions then she over thinks so she starts putting all of her time and energy into over thinking about it. She then shares personal information with him thinking that maybe the two need to “connect” more. Then she gives up the goods cause she doesn’t want him to run away. Now shes completely NOT being herself.

Did I over think that? 😉

That’s just the way I see it

Court

 

Define perfection.

I think everyone has their own perception of perfect.

But as I have said throughout numerous posts…I’m searching for prince charming

Yes, someone can look great written down on paper. Has stable mental health, has a job, has money, is good-looking. But when is it too much. I know some people claim that I’m hypocritical on here but I think that finally I got “perfection” thrown at me and I dodged it. It might be “perfect” to someone else but sometimes its not enough. And I don’t mean that as if I wanted something more. I mean it as what’s so wrong with wanting a man with a passion? Wanting a man that wants to make something of himself? A man that tries to better himself everyday.

Sure you can buy me flowers, candy, dinner, whatever you want but there is like a big elephant in the room. Do you get it? I feel like I’m having trouble getting this across. Maybe what I mean is, less is more.

I don’t want someone who tries to much. You can’t buy or beg for my love.

This makes me think back to how that maybe I’m just attracted to a bad boy. OR maybe I just want the chase. There are so many “rules” well not so much rules, but I feel like if things happen too quickly in the relationship, you are like…”OK, what do we do now?” There is no more chase.

So sure this guy was “paper perfect” but not perfect for me. I need someone who is going to lead me on like I lead them on. Not so much game playing, even though that’s what it sounds like and I’m sure someone will mention that. But it’s not a game, its just not giving everything away and telling all your secrets up front. Especially cause you need time to get to know someone. I feel like I threw a good guy away but there is someone out there for me and they will be MY version of “perfect”.

Perfect to me.

Not perfect on paper.

Court

The “L” Word

So let’s talk about that.

Love.

Hmmm well everyone always asks, how do you know? How do you know you’re in love?

Are you in love with someone or just merely love them? What’s the difference?

Love like your best friend kind of love or I can’t live without you love?

All I know is that love takes time and energy. It doesn’t happen when you want it to happen. You CAN’T force it. It is just something that has to happen on its own.

The other problem with relationships is, does someone love someone more?

OR is someone in love and the other one isn’t? This could cause serious issues. I honestly believe that you have to be on the same level with the person you are in a  committed relationship with. Whether you are both obsessed with one another or you both have the same understanding that it isn’t going to get that serious. It has to be on equal levels.

You have to be evenly in love, out of love or not interested in falling in love -whatever it may be….it has to be equal.

That is just my experience though. I can’t imagine trying to be in a relationship when people are on two opposite pages. Expressing the way that you feel about one other would help get rid of of this (like mature adults). But the issue lies where people are scared. Example: “I’m in love with him but I know he’s not in love with me…so I’m going to pretend that I don’t love him.”

It doesn’t work that way. Something will happen sooner or later.

My ex boyfriend told me he loved me about three weeks after us knowing one another. I’m not saying he didn’t love me and I’m not saying that I don’t believe in love at first sight, cause I do. BUT I didn’t feel it at the same time he said it. So, I didn’t say it back. Sooner or later I realized I was in love with him and I told him. I think that he did the right thing. If your in love with someone tell them. It might be scary but don’t you think that person deserves to know? What if something happens to them? Or what if they feel the EXACT same way that you do? Or maybe you could resolve some issues. I guess its easier to say then do..because you could be nervous about them not loving you back..

All I know is that if I love you, you will know. Trust me. That’s my belief, what do you think?

Court

That’s what she said.

After writing about myself for awhile I decided that people should tell me their stories. Email me with a story, question, comment or anything you would like. I’ll post it anonymously and tell you what I think about it, with some advice as well.

Let me know what’s going on with you!

Are you going through a rough spot in a relationship and need help? Are you currently trying to get a man/woman and need help? Do you have a terrible date/relationship that you wanna share?

Tell it all.

Email me at h3artbrunette@aol.com

I will keep everything private so know one will know who you are. Can’t wait to hear 🙂

Court

Baggage, what’s too much?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the “baggage” people bring into a relationship. When is it too much? Family issues? Drugs? Alcohol? All the above? But what if that person is completely amazing and had a great family but a shit ton of baggage?

A friend of mine starting seeing someone. Let’s call him Peter. She is about 5 years younger than him. Well her and Peter starting seeing each other and soon enough he bought her some expensive toys. Now mind you she has an awesome job as a nurse. She makes bank. But for some reason this guy buys her a $300 Cardiac Stethoscope and some Dr. Dre beats headphones. What was this gesture for? Ensuring that she stays? Having insecurities about her making good money? Or is simply because he’s nice? Are we over thinking this? I don’t think so, BUT I’m a chick. We over think everything. But it is a little too soon for all this. They haven’t been seeing each other for two months even. She has met his immediate family already and approves telling me that they are kind and normal. He has an ex, not sure if it’s an ex-wife or not. But he has a kid too, he is 9 if I recall correctly. She also told me that the baby momma is normal as well…she added kinda chubby too.

Now here comes the baggage, he has a kid. Well some people wouldn’t include that baggage, others would. But I don’t see that as an issue with this situation. Here’s the real shit. He took her out for a date and brought her some flowers and took her to a very nice restaurant. She said the bill was around $400 but what stuck with me is that she stressed that he had about 4 drinks and 3 shots at dinner. Shots at a fancy diner on a date? …One of their first dates.. Hmm… Then she said they went to a bar/nightclub later and he had about 6 more drinks and 4 more shots. Quickly, I asked her what his drink of choice was. Gin & Tonic. Nice. This wasn’t the first time they had went out and he had drunk a lot. A previous time he had gotten wasted and called her a bitch and said something about how she thinks that she’s better than him. Which obviously is true you scumbag. Sorry but that’d be the drawing line for me. You want bitch? Ill give you bitch. Only myself and people that know me well enough can call me a bitch. Well because I am one. But youuu my friend cannot call me a bitch. Alright, enough about what I think….SO She told me he held his liquor really well and he didn’t even look that drunk. I mean we all hold our liquor differently, including myself. She said when he got back to her house he was looking for more liquor and seemed more intoxicated. She told me that she was really attracted to him at the beginning of the relationship but looking at him at her house, he looked like a fool and she didn’t even want to kiss him. But she claimed that she didn’t have any more liquor and he started passing out. She forgot to mention to me that he brought a bag to stay over along with the flowers that accompanied him earlier in the evening. The next morning he wanted more liquor but she had dumped it all before he could get to it. She has talked to him previously about this drinking problem that she thinks he has. She told me that he has a way of convincing others and himself that he can stop whenever he wants. That day, she was trying to kick him out of the house and he wasn’t catching hints. He eventually left…

Well the current issue is that his birthday was the other day and she was worried about what to do. He kept calling her off her work phone and cell phone. Knowing very well that she’s busy as shit at work. She didn’t know whether to buy him something or completely blow him off. Everyone drinks on their birthday so she assumed that he was going to get hammered. But she knew one thing, she did NOT want to be with him. When I heard him say I miss you on the phone I knew she was in deep shit. She tried telling him that she was probably going to get out of work later and he wouldn’t have any of it. He claimed that he didn’t wanna make any plans with friends cause he wanted to see her. She kept insisting that he tries to make plans with his friends and he kept asking if there was any time she could make for him that day.

So here me and her were, trying to think of what to do. Now, if anyone is an expert at getting guys to run to the hills, it’s me. So I’m usually not in this situation. But I couldn’t think of what to say besides the fact that he was going to do whatever it took to see her today. She was eventually going to have to tell him that she wasn’t feeling it anymore. …She didn’t want to do that on his birthday though so I totally understand that.

So what is too much? She said he has a great family and friends, but he has this issue with drinking and he was completely relentless with calling her work phone. That is creepy. He was power dialing her like a maniac, or a 12 yr old girl. I just find him kind of creepy and irritating. My bitchass would ignore him. He’d catch the hint sooner or later right? But, I feel like that wouldn’t be enough for this guy and I kind feared for my friend. She really couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I just wanted to help her. He clearly wasn’t making her happy. But should she stay and try to get him help? I mean this is what I’m trying to say about baggage. When is it too much to handle? I know I wouldn’t be able to stay in that relationship. He’s older and has a kid and has a big boy career, not to mention he might not WANT to change his ways. I mean she is getting great expensive gifts from him cause he has a good paying job. That’s not everything though. You can’t buy happiness. Cliche right? But honestly, he can’t BUY her love. His job and kid really don’t matter and I don’t think she cares either. You could be a garbage man, or an ice cream man, or a bank teller. I don’t care what you do as long as you care about me… right? She probably agrees. I think the biggest issue here is that she doesn’t have feelings anymore. Regardless of his drinking problem, she needs to leave cause she doesn’t care for him anymore.

But I’d like to hear from you too. What do you think your drawing point is? The kid? The booze? The obsessiveness? Or what situation have YOU been in that has been similar and you didn’t know whether to stay? Guys too, lets hear it. What did she bring into the relationship that you couldn’t get past?You can comment below anonymously without an email or user name or anything. I like the feedback, good & bad 😉

XOXO Court

“The Cookie”

I’m in the middle of reading Steve Harvey’s second book Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to find, keep and understand a man and he talks about the cookie.

The cookie being the most prize possession, sex.

I actually was on the chapter about asking specific questions to men to figure out if the are lying at the beginning of a relationship. Now, we can all admit that we want to make things seem perfect at the start so we can catch the prey. He’s not openly going to tell you that his relationship 3 months ago ended because he’s a dirty cheater. BUT the same goes with girls. We aren’t going to vent to you about how we have all this family drama.

Steve Harvey talks about three things you need to ask. This is his theory about asking three SPECIFIC questions to figure out if the man is worth your while.

1. The first question will get you the answer that makes men look best.

2. The second will get you the answer that we think you want to hear.

3. The third will introduce you to the truth.

His theory states that you pretty much get bullshit answers when first asking questions about past relationships. He really breaks it down as to how to ask each question so that by the third question you have a pretty obvious answer as to why his past relationship didn’t work, whether he’s trying to cover it up or not.

“Aren’t you tired of being the victim? Tired of being played? Tired of thinking you got someone and then finding out he’s not all he made himself out to be? Stop giving up the cookie before you have all the information, and instead get the information and then decide if it’s in your best interest to share yourself with him.”

Steve Harvey then goes on to explain that men completely separate the act of having sex from being in love. He says that men have no problem with having sex, and then hitting the road the second it’s over. “If we’re not in love with our partner, we don’t want to talk and share and dream and cuddle with you. And if we do submit post-coital cuddle and conversation, it’s most likely insincere- just a way for us to keep alive the possibility that if we need another sexual release in the future, you’ll be available to us.” I agree with this. We think that the cookie has some emotional connection with the guy. News flash: They really don’t. The sooner we can understand this, the better off we are.

Steve came up with an idea of having a 90-day rule of not having sex and actually getting to know the person. I think this is a great idea. Obviously not letting the man know that because then he will think it’s just a game. Like in the movie “Friends with Benefits”, Mila Kunis’ character portrays a woman that’s after Prince Charming; she has a 5 date rule then she will have sex with them. Well, this guy knew about it and when he got that cookie, he dipped out. Steve insists that this rule works. It gives you time to figure out if he is really into you or is just trying to hit it and quit it. I think this is a GREAT idea. Stop giving out the cookies. No matter how you give it out. No matter how cute, sexy, or innocent you look, men have no problem dropping off the face of the earth once he tastes that cookie. No matter who you are or what you do. I don’t care if you’re the ultimate chocolate chip with caramel and sprinkles and all that jazzy shit. They don’t care. “Treat the cookie as it’s intended to be “special” and he’ll either leave (which is what you want if that’s all he’s after) or he’ll see something special in you and meet your standards and requirements.”

“The man who refuses to give you time to investigate whether he’s worthy of intimacy with you is not your man.” -Steve Harvey

Any comments, questions, stories, advice or any sort of feedback is welcomed.

XOXO Court