It has been well over a year now that I have been “officially” single. It really took me awhile to get use to it I think. And I actually still don’t think I’m use to it all the time. But when you are in a relationship with someone its like a ritual – you think of them all the time.
All the time…
When you’re buying food. / maybe to accommodate one another or to share some new food together.
When you’re shopping. / you may see something that you know your significant other would like..
When you’re at work. / work may not suck for some people, but it does for me, and when you talk to someone who you care about during a rough day, they can make it a whole lot better without even trying.
Before you fall asleep at night. / you think about plans with that person or fun things that you might be doing in the upcoming weekend.
and lets face it, all the other time you are usually with them..right?
But it comes to a point when you don’t get along anymore and all those little things like shopping piss you off and they turn into big things because then you have an even worse day at work. And finally that person just doesn’t make you happy anymore. Well then the relationship ceases.
I am a firm believer that if you keep breaking up and getting back together, SOMETHING is wrong. It’s not being solved and you need to stop getting back together. I can’t even count with my fingers and toes combined how many times we dumped each other. It was very childish.
BUT Back to the subject, I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy the single life, because after being in a relationship with someone for that long..I finally felt like I could breathe. I did enjoy the single life a lot. I’ve learned a lot about dating and about men. I learned about the tricks and ways guys work, and what to do when it happens (although I never really take my own advice). That’s why I have so much to write about, cause I know what I should do in relationships, I just go against my own advice constantly.
Maybe it’s the holidays or all of the GAY jewelry commercials, but I feel like a total loser this Christmas. I felt completely fine last year probably cause I was relieved but this year I’m just so bummed. Maybe it’s my sister and her boyfriend…I guess now I know what it feels like to be the third wheel. She was the third wheel for a longggggg time with me and my ex. We both loved having her around though, so it really didn’t feel like the third wheel. We never really made out or made her feel uncomfortable ever and I’m sure if she didn’t like it, she would have stopped hanging out with us.
What I really wanted to get to here is that I think I’m trying to hard. I keep coming across these men that are young and still just want ass. I’m not sure if I should start dating guys in there 30’s cause they are more mature or what. I guess I should be satisfied that they are adamantly telling me that they just want ass? This way I know to start running now..
I’m mostly sick of the mind games, and typical lines:
“I have a lot of girls that are friends so sorry if you have a problem with that“
“I’m so over my ex, so me and you should date“
“I think you should come over when you get out of work at 11pm tonight, where do you live again?”
It’s all shit. They’re all scumbags and I refuse to stoop that low to be in a hopeless relationship that’s bound to end.
So the search goes on for my Mr. Perfect..I think I’m just looking too hard. I give up. DONE chasing people.
“Don’t chase people, be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay”. -Will Smith