“The Cookie”

I’m in the middle of reading Steve Harvey’s second book Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to find, keep and understand a man and he talks about the cookie.

The cookie being the most prize possession, sex.

I actually was on the chapter about asking specific questions to men to figure out if the are lying at the beginning of a relationship. Now, we can all admit that we want to make things seem perfect at the start so we can catch the prey. He’s not openly going to tell you that his relationship 3 months ago ended because he’s a dirty cheater. BUT the same goes with girls. We aren’t going to vent to you about how we have all this family drama.

Steve Harvey talks about three things you need to ask. This is his theory about asking three SPECIFIC questions to figure out if the man is worth your while.

1. The first question will get you the answer that makes men look best.

2. The second will get you the answer that we think you want to hear.

3. The third will introduce you to the truth.

His theory states that you pretty much get bullshit answers when first asking questions about past relationships. He really breaks it down as to how to ask each question so that by the third question you have a pretty obvious answer as to why his past relationship didn’t work, whether he’s trying to cover it up or not.

“Aren’t you tired of being the victim? Tired of being played? Tired of thinking you got someone and then finding out he’s not all he made himself out to be? Stop giving up the cookie before you have all the information, and instead get the information and then decide if it’s in your best interest to share yourself with him.”

Steve Harvey then goes on to explain that men completely separate the act of having sex from being in love. He says that men have no problem with having sex, and then hitting the road the second it’s over. “If we’re not in love with our partner, we don’t want to talk and share and dream and cuddle with you. And if we do submit post-coital cuddle and conversation, it’s most likely insincere- just a way for us to keep alive the possibility that if we need another sexual release in the future, you’ll be available to us.” I agree with this. We think that the cookie has some emotional connection with the guy. News flash: They really don’t. The sooner we can understand this, the better off we are.

Steve came up with an idea of having a 90-day rule of not having sex and actually getting to know the person. I think this is a great idea. Obviously not letting the man know that because then he will think it’s just a game. Like in the movie “Friends with Benefits”, Mila Kunis’ character portrays a woman that’s after Prince Charming; she has a 5 date rule then she will have sex with them. Well, this guy knew about it and when he got that cookie, he dipped out. Steve insists that this rule works. It gives you time to figure out if he is really into you or is just trying to hit it and quit it. I think this is a GREAT idea. Stop giving out the cookies. No matter how you give it out. No matter how cute, sexy, or innocent you look, men have no problem dropping off the face of the earth once he tastes that cookie. No matter who you are or what you do. I don’t care if you’re the ultimate chocolate chip with caramel and sprinkles and all that jazzy shit. They don’t care. “Treat the cookie as it’s intended to be “special” and he’ll either leave (which is what you want if that’s all he’s after) or he’ll see something special in you and meet your standards and requirements.”

“The man who refuses to give you time to investigate whether he’s worthy of intimacy with you is not your man.” -Steve Harvey

Any comments, questions, stories, advice or any sort of feedback is welcomed.

XOXO Court


3 thoughts on ““The Cookie”

  1. *thinks about this*

    It used to be that my only “rule” was not to bed on the first date. But, *rolls eyes at myself* … that went out the door a couple times. After being married (and divorced) I guess I really just looked for someone who I liked being with. Did it result in my cookie being tasted and having the taster disappear? Maybe.

    I think for me, being with someone also involves the sexual component as much as all the other things that makes you a couple. At some point you will have to take the lid off the cookie jar. At times it will make sense to wait, at other times it may not matter as some other components of the relationship may need to be put on hold (ie., perhaps not letting him taste your friends right away for whatever reason).

    Anyway … I think I am totally rambling! Nice blog post and things to think about though …*S*

  2. Pingback: 8 Simple Rules | Hopeless Romantic.

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